jam daddy in the house.
yo yo yo.
that is my official rap star name according to: rapstarname.com
quite proud to be called jam daddy, i went on a search for lyrics. i found underground hip hop for dummies. perfect, just what jam daddy needs. i bob on over there and the secrets of the rap underworld are on display. A small sample:
"Lyrics: And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee As I lay down laws like I lay carpet Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit
TRANSLATION:I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable."
i'm off to get me some honies.
bob on, my friends. jam daddy out.
jam daddy in the house.
around 3:24 PM
remember, back in the day, when you were a kid....saturday morning cartoons, pajamas all morning, chores (ugh)...
now we work 7 days a week. what a crock. an outrage even. seriously - when do we chill? and when we can chill - do we? nope. texting, email, blogging, tweets, phone, the list goes on and on ad nauseum.
so i give you 'bob's 10 steps to successful chillaxin'
1 - when going to sleep, do not charge the cell phone. this simple step, once eliminated, will allow you countless hours without buzzing, ringing, vibrating, or hailing the queen (you know who you are). enjoy it.
2 - do not set the alarm. again, this is something to skip. perhaps we should rename this list - 10 things not to do to chillax. i don't care if your dog has an appointment to get her nails trimmed - get over it. millions of dogs live very happy lives with unclipped nails.
3 - do not shower upon waking. this is crucial. you simply cannot have a lazy ass day when you are properly showered and dressed - ooops, i've moved on to 4.
4 - stay in your pajamas. i don't care if you wear feetsie pjs, sweats and a tee, boxers, briefs or commando - just don't look presentable. stay comfy.
5 - drink coffee and eat leftover pizza/chinese food/steak/etc for breakfast, in front of the tv.
6 - stop looking at the damn cell phone - you are not allowed to charge it.
7 - back away from the laptop. email can wait a few hours.
8 - after breakfast, play with your dog/cat/pig/whatever. trust me, they will like it much more than going to the groomers.
9 - clean out a closet, drawer, box, purse, what have you - just make sure it is yours - otherwise it's a misdemeanor. turn on the music and reminisce - it's a good thing.
10 - rinse and repeat.
there you go. i feel like a teen again. well, without the angst and acne.
bob on, my friends, bob on.
around 8:08 AM
being gone so long - so much to talk about.
damn. in a year so much has happened: britney has hair, obama beat hillary, proximity = experience, the real estate market continued to plummet, stocks crash, everyone needs a government hand out, there is no end to the insanity!
don't want to get too deep though. i am a simple kind of man. maybe someday you will love and understand.
today's topic: pedicures, release your inner beauty queen.
it is ok. men can have soft feet too. no reason to let the chicks have all the fun. i like to have my toes caressed and legs lotioned like the best of em. just skip the wax please. and no, i don't watch bravo or play for the other team. however, i am man enough - or at least stick figure enough to admit that i like a little pampering every now and then.
come on, don't you like a good pedi too?
seriously. i guess i am bored. bobbed out (sounds so much better than petered - ya know - and who the h-e-double hockey sticks is peter anyway?).
so i was googling the other day....now we all google our names - come on, i know you do it. but have you ever googled your name - with an expletive after it? for example: bob sucks
it's not good.
people don't like bob. although most of the negativity is geared towards the absorbent one - sir sponge. there are pages and pages of people who have it in for the poor misguided sea creature - who befriended the somewhat slow starfish patrick.
go ahead - google your name and sucks. do share.
bob on, my friends.
around 11:17 AM