10 reasons to procrastinate

whenever you don't want to complete a task - look to this handy dandy list for an appropriate excuse:

it is more fun to

wow. i never finished this post. ironic.

see, bob really is back - and lazy as hell

ah, saturdays.

remember, back in the day, when you were a kid....saturday morning cartoons, pajamas all morning, chores (ugh)...

now we work 7 days a week. what a crock. an outrage even. seriously - when do we chill? and when we can chill - do we? nope. texting, email, blogging, tweets, phone, the list goes on and on ad nauseum.

so i give you 'bob's 10 steps to successful chillaxin'

1 - when going to sleep, do not charge the cell phone. this simple step, once eliminated, will allow you countless hours without buzzing, ringing, vibrating, or hailing the queen (you know who you are). enjoy it.
2 - do not set the alarm. again, this is something to skip. perhaps we should rename this list - 10 things not to do to chillax. i don't care if your dog has an appointment to get her nails trimmed - get over it. millions of dogs live very happy lives with unclipped nails.
3 - do not shower upon waking. this is crucial. you simply cannot have a lazy ass day when you are properly showered and dressed - ooops, i've moved on to 4.
4 - stay in your pajamas. i don't care if you wear feetsie pjs, sweats and a tee, boxers, briefs or commando - just don't look presentable. stay comfy.
5 - drink coffee and eat leftover pizza/chinese food/steak/etc for breakfast, in front of the tv.
6 - stop looking at the damn cell phone - you are not allowed to charge it.
7 - back away from the laptop. email can wait a few hours.
8 - after breakfast, play with your dog/cat/pig/whatever. trust me, they will like it much more than going to the groomers.
9 - clean out a closet, drawer, box, purse, what have you - just make sure it is yours - otherwise it's a misdemeanor. turn on the music and reminisce - it's a good thing.
10 - rinse and repeat.

there you go. i feel like a teen again. well, without the angst and acne.

bob on, my friends, bob on.

bob is back

being gone so long - so much to talk about.

damn. in a year so much has happened: britney has hair, obama beat hillary, proximity = experience, the real estate market continued to plummet, stocks crash, everyone needs a government hand out, there is no end to the insanity!

don't want to get too deep though. i am a simple kind of man. maybe someday you will love and understand.

today's topic: pedicures, release your inner beauty queen.

it is ok. men can have soft feet too. no reason to let the chicks have all the fun. i like to have my toes caressed and legs lotioned like the best of em. just skip the wax please. and no, i don't watch bravo or play for the other team. however, i am man enough - or at least stick figure enough to admit that i like a little pampering every now and then.

come on, don't you like a good pedi too?

benefits of being a stick figure

there are many. to review:

- don't have to watch your figure, no love handles.
- never have to get a haircut.
- don't get carded at the liquor store.
- not paying taxes.
- you can always add on an inch, if you know what i mean.


anything else?

blah blah blah

seriously. i guess i am bored. bobbed out (sounds so much better than petered - ya know - and who the h-e-double hockey sticks is peter anyway?).

so i was googling the other day....now we all google our names - come on, i know you do it. but have you ever googled your name - with an expletive after it? for example: bob sucks

it's not good.

people don't like bob. although most of the negativity is geared towards the absorbent one - sir sponge. there are pages and pages of people who have it in for the poor misguided sea creature - who befriended the somewhat slow starfish patrick.

awwww....poor guy.

go ahead - google your name and sucks. do share.

bob on, my friends.

bob on brother.

migraines and elmo?

migraines suck. more and more kids today are being diagnosed with them. what could cause such an epidemic? what is different about children of today vs children of yesteryear? the answer is obvious.

elmo.

coincidence? i think not. after spending countless hours listening to 'la la la la, la la la la, elmo's song' they have no choice but to experience searing head pain. not convinced yet? how about that careless coloring, absolutely mind numbing laugh and less than average iq - isn't that enough to drive a perfectly sane diaper wearing toddler over the edge? suppress some of those fuzzy red images and i guarantee they will come back to haunt you later in the form of an aura and medicine resistant migraines.

i don't see any other explanation.

bob on, elmo off, my friends.

act like a cat

huh? seriously?

act like a cat. sleep. sit in the sun. stretch. purr. watch how it changes you.

love life - don't forget to say thank you.

bob on.

how to save the world, part 2

i bet you didn't know that yesterday was part one, did ya? well it was. and as all things in life, we move on. part two.

when we last left our hero, we were calling old friends and holding doors. well that's nice. really it is. but we need more. this isn't going to fix itself you know. you can't have a revolution in one day.

a turnaround. a significant change. what the hell, i'm in. join me.

yesterday we featured instant gratification ways to make a difference. let's put some long haul into todays act. this isn't a flash in the pan i'm talking about here. not some one hit wonder - like come on eileen.

so, the sun rose today. we were tired. didn't want to hit the alarm. the baby was up all night, you had too much to drink, your boss is a jerk, you have a mid term today - whatever. we are alive. that is true. that is awesome. that is why we are here. we all want to change the world - the beatles. let's start at home.

say 'thank you'.

that's all. nothing more, nothing less. watch what happens. make it a part of your vocabulary. mean it. thank the sun, the grocery store clerk, your boss, your teacher, your child, your sister, your parents, your boyfriend/girlfriend. thank em. early and often.

don't you know it's gonna be alright?

rock and roll jesus

kid rock - is he really all that?

it's another night in hell. got that.

breaking through. being strong. and the like.

the world sucks sometimes. it is incomprehensibly unfair. seizures, murder, drugs, cancer, the good die young, the bastards live forever.

yet somehow the sun always rises.

god only gives you what you can handle. what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. damn. are we really that strong?

how do you turn the corner.

give a little bit more than you got to give. amen.

have you given today? what are you waiting for? pick one and do it. right now. pay it forward as they say.

• put down that cigarette, chip, soda, beer, joint, burger and be kind to your body - you'll live longer and your family will thank you for it.
• see that trash on the floor - pick it up and throw it away.
• smile at a stranger.
• hold a door for someone.
• contact a friend or family member that you haven't spoken to in ages, tell them what they mean to you.
• simplify, testify, identify, rectify .

amen, kid rock, amen.